#603 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,6,7,8. Other: Self-mutilation ideation. The shame and guilt were so overwhelmingly, I wanted my genitalia removed so that I would never masturbate again.

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 6. Impaired sexual relations after marriage, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 8. Suicide Ideation, Consequence StoriesLeave a comment

Dread, shame and guilt at every annual worthiness interview from my teenage years beginning in the early 1980s into adulthood for masturbation. The interview didn’t even need to be particularly invasive because the Mormon socialization which shames this behavior is so predominate, the mere interview itself brings the heavy weight of that social condemnation to…

#602 Name Withheld. CS: 1,2,3,4,5,7,8,9

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 4. Grooming, 5. Sexual abuse, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 8. Suicide Ideation, 9. Attempted Suicide, Consequence StoriesLeave a comment

I had just turned 16 years old. Raised in the church I was very sheltered and my mother never talked to me about sex. There was a 19 year old boy several doors down from my home that was obsessed with me. He would follow me around and would tell me that he prays every…

#601 Name Withheld. CS: 1,2,7,8

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 8. Suicide Ideation, Consequence StoriesLeave a comment

When I was around 12 years old I was introduced to masturbation by a friend. At first I didn’t know it was wrong in the church’s eyes and continued to do it. After I read online the church’s stance on masturbation, I felt horrible. What I did was “second to murder”! I felt so much…

#600 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,4,6,7,8,9

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 4. Grooming, 6. Impaired sexual relations after marriage, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 8. Suicide Ideation, 9. Attempted SuicideLeave a comment

I have been a member for just over 23 years. I have never shared this story with anyone besides my counselor. I have always feared backlash from family or friends and even from the church. I share it here now because it is time. I want to heal and to move on. Sharing my story…

#599 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8. Other: C-PTSD, Manic Depression, Anorexia

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 4. Grooming, 5. Sexual abuse, 6. Impaired sexual relations after marriage, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 8. Suicide Ideation, Consequence StoriesLeave a comment

From them telling us our bodies, the very thing that gives us life…is a sin. From telling us we are responsible for other people abusing us. We are children that are born into a storm. Some cannot escape. Some can. My cousin was a victim of of pedophilia by my uncle since the age of…

#598 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,4,6,7,8

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 4. Grooming, 6. Impaired sexual relations after marriage, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 8. Suicide Ideation, Consequence StoriesLeave a comment

I masturbated and was loving it before I knew what it was. It’s the way God created me, after all. I found out what it was and that the church was against it when I was a deacon. We went to a priesthood session of conference and it was discussed at that meeting. My dad…

#597 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,5,6,7,8,9. Other: The double ache was as hard as I tried to protect.

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 5. Sexual abuse, 6. Impaired sexual relations after marriage, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 8. Suicide Ideation, 9. Attempted Suicide, Consequence StoriesLeave a comment

As a young child: Setting, Salt Lake City, close to I have NO happy memories of my mother. My first memory of her is being probably two, and calling out, “Mommy, I can’t sleep. The baby (the fourth daughter, 18 months younger than me) is crying.” I was told it was my job to take…

#595 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,4,5,7,8

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 4. Grooming, 5. Sexual abuse, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 8. Suicide Ideation, Consequence StoriesLeave a comment

My story is not one of overt sexual abuse by my priesthood leaders, but I feel it represents the sometimes subtle but deep shaming and overall damage that is done to a developing child during one-on-one priesthood interviews. At any rate, the damage done to me is something I’m still working to heal from now…