I had just turned 16 years old. Raised in the church I was very sheltered and my mother never talked to me about sex.
There was a 19 year old boy several doors down from my home that was obsessed with me. He would follow me around and would tell me that he prays every night the God would give me to him. One day I was walking to my new job and talking a short cut behind the a bank. He came out of no where from the side of the bank and told me that he needed me. Before I knew it I was on the ground and he was pinned on top of me. With his other hand he took my pants down and I felt a pain sear through my body. It happened so fast I can’t even remember him taking down his pants. I begged him to get off of me and said he was sorry and quickly jumped off of me. I was covered in my blood and ran home crying. He followed screaming for me to wait and telling me his sorry. I ran in my house and locked the door behind me.
I was confused and I was worried I had sinned. The next Sunday I decided I needed to talk to the bishop to see where my fault was and how to get through what just happened to me.
I told the bishop that I think I’m not a virgin anymore. He quickly asked me with who and when I told him his next question was “do you give him oral sex”. I was confused because I honestly didn’t know what oral sex was. I asked him what he meant and he told me not to pretend that I don’t know. I tried to tell him the entire story but he said, “No! Don’t tell me anything else! I’m fact, don’t tell anyone. Not even your parents. Just stay away from this guy”. I got my answer. It was my fault. I am that licked cupcake. I’m worthless and no good return missionary wouldn’t ever want me.
Later that week I answered my landline and he was on the other end. He told me again that he was sorry and that he had a problem. He had been molesting his little sister and his parents were taking him to counseling and the bishop was trying to help him.
It wasn’t long after that he was sent on a mission. He lost nothing but I felt like I lost everything. I sank into a dark depression and eventually I took a bottle of pills and wrote a suicide note. But the next morning I woke up. I then tried slitting my wrist but I didn’t cut deep enough. My mom finally got me in counseling and it saved my life! But I still didn’t feel worthy enough to date good Mormon boys and dated the guys that used me and didn’t care about me. I wasn’t worthy of anything better then that. When I was an adult, I finally told my mom who finally understood my drastic personality change.
I trusted the bishop. We are told that God speaks through him That night in the bishops office I was made to feel like trash and he didn’t care what I was going through. All he cared about was the guy that did this to me because he was close friends with his family.