I was sexually abused twice as a child by a family member. First, at around 7 years old, and then again at 9 years old. That in itself was a difficult thing to overcome, and I was told by family that it wasn’t my fault, and that I was a victim. My abuser wore garments at the time he abused me, so that in itself taught me at an early age not to trust priesthood leaders.
It was mostly the young women lessons that got to me as I grew older. They really really pushed “virtue” strongly. In the Book of Mormon, there is a story about women being molested and that their virtue was taken from them. Also there is a scripture in proverbs 31 that says “Who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies.” My thinking was truly that my worth was lower because my virtue was stolen from me. I can’t believe I thought that.
As far as interviews go, just asking the question, “Do you keep the law of chastity?” Opens things up for a sexual discussion. I always answered that I did keep the law of chastity, even though I knew it was impossible to be “chaste and pure” having been molested. I was once asked if I masturbated when I was around 15, even though I said that I kept the law of chastity. I said that I did not masturbate, and it was true. There was no further questioning, but going home after that interview, my mind turned to everything that happened to me as a kid, and I felt un-pure. Before I served a mission, I was grilled really bad by a stake counselor I think, about masturbation. I was 18 at the time. I still had never done it, but he was told by the Spirit that he needed to know the truth. Yikes!
The other time I felt really uncomfortable and angry was the interview before me and my husband got married. I don’t even remember who it was, someone from my husbands stake or something. He pushed the term “virtue” again, which by that point was a huge trigger word for my ptsd, and then proceeded to tell us not to even kiss or cuddle til we got married. Yuck. He used some flower analogy, about the flower not opening up, and how we wouldn’t be ready to even kiss til after we were married. That was very unhealthy for our relationship, because I would innocently want to cuddle, and he would push me away to obey a priesthood leader. That’s the first time I ever engaged in self harm.