I received heavy doses of shaming at the hands of leaders. I was made to feel ashamed of my body, and my natural urges. I got asked numerous times behind closed doors with leaders if I masturbated. I usually lied. Before my mission, a leader at the MTC wanted to hear all the details of…
When I was a young man, I couldn’t stop masturbating. It was just too hard, and I was too weak. Guilt destroyed me. I sinning in a way that was so bad it was “second only to murder”. I considered suicide after I had been clean for a while, but I was too scared that…
When I was 15 and in my sophomore year of high school, I had a nonmormon best friend who happened to be a boy (which was a sort of “scandalous” thing in my ward). It was a normal bestfriendship and we spent a lot of time together during school and after school. I was already…
When I was 12 I had my first temple worthiness interview. The bishop asked me if I followed the law of chastity. He said, do you know what that is? I told him no. he said, “it means have you touched yourself or let other people touch you?” I could tell the correct answer to…
I was born into the church. Growing up, I always considered myself a normal kid but felt that the only thing in my life that was not normal was the church. I never did drugs or any illegal activity, like drink alcohol and get behind the wheel of a car while under the influence. I…
I can’t remember certain aspects of my early childhood. This is important, because my biological father allegedly molested or abused my sister and I. We were only 2 or 3 years of age. Whatever was going on then made my mother bolt, almost literally. I have family members who share quite a bit more with…
I didn’t have it as bad as many others have recounted as horrors during interviews. However, I had developed clinical depression at the time when it really wasn’t recognized for what it was; I was twelve when I had my first ideation of suicide. I didn’t get diagnosed and prescribed anti-depressants until I was nearly…
I was raised a Mormon. My mother was born in Utah. I had very strict grandmother and I felt pressured to speak about my masturbation habits and my porn watching. It lead me to lose my sarcament privileges which made me feel isolated from the other boys in my ward. The bishop was tough and…
I felt like my mind and my body were never my own. I was property of the church. My mind, body, identity, worthiness, and authority were taken from me through coercion, threats, extreme social pressure, and ritualistic abuse. It’s been so damaging to me. I’m still trying to piece myself back together. It’s heartbreaking to…
I feel hurt and betrayed. I gave my heart and soul to this church and the lack of boundaries and policies and teachings around immorality/chastity/modesty/worthiness interviews of this institution have caused me so much psychological, emotional, and mental pain and suffering. There were no boundaries. It was confusing. It was scary. It was horrible. It…