#43 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,8

I began masturbating around 10 years old. The guilt started around that time. As my 12th birthday got closer and I started thinking about my interviews to become a deacon, I became suicidal from the overwhelming guilt of masturbating and looking at porn (in the form of Victoria’s Secret catalogs, before high speed internet). For…

#41 Name Hidden. CS: 1,3,8

My duration at the Provo MTC was from September through November of 2008. Each and every day there were lessons, videos, talks, activities, and speakers which all focused on personal worthiness, and that all success as a missionary depends on that worthiness. The result was a constant and immense feeling of guilt, insecurity, and failure…

#39 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,4,6,7,8 Other: Ideation about self-mutilation

On average, from age 5 to 28, I considered suicide and/or self-mutilation roughly once a week, in part because I was subjected to these interviews. I encountered some of the church’s teachings about sexual sin early on, and as early as age 5 (I was molested by another child a few years older than me—as…

#38a Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,6,7 Other: Depression

As a teen and as a young woman in college I was asked by the Bishop about whether or not I masturbated. The discussion with my college Bishop kept me out of the temple and made me feel unworthy and unloved for years afterwards. Looking back, I was already dealing with depression at the time…

#15 Britt L. CS: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8

When I was being interviewed to enter young women’s at the age of 12, I was brought into a room with the lights turned off to speak with a member of the bishopric. He asked me the usual questions, things about tithing, reading scriptures, etc.  I was so nervous that I would answer the questions…

#13 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,6,7. Other: Inability to date and marry during “normal” LDS timeframe; judgementalism of others, etc

I grew up in the 1970s and ‘80s. I loved the church and never thought I would leave, but now I’m a middle-aged apostate who believes that one immense contributing factor to a loss of testimony is the church’s obsessive, abusive relationship to sexuality and shaming members. As a young woman (teen) I was interviewed…

#12 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,4,6,7

When I was 17 I confessed to French kissing. The bishop told me how disappointed he was in me. How everyone looks up to me and I’ve let down God, him, my family, the young women. I cried and cried and then went home and cried more. A year later I’m 18 and at byu.…

#11 Max C. CS: 1,2,3,4,6,7,8,9

At 5 years of age, I was caught playing doctor with the neighbor girl. It was pretty innocent, up to that point I had no idea boys and girls were different. But, we got caught and that’s when the shaming began. I remember that night, my mom told me that “God was ashamed of me.”…