When I was 12 I had my first temple worthiness interview. The bishop asked me if I followed the law of chastity. He said, do you know what that is? I told him no. he said, “it means have you touched yourself or let other people touch you?” I could tell the correct answer to this question was no. All my friends were going on this youth temple trip and I wanted to be apart of it. I was so ashamed that my answer to this question was that I had let someone touch me, an adult, when I was 9 years old. I suddenly felt very unworthy and deep shame. In my head I knew I wasn’t worthy to go to the temple because I let someone touch me. I lied to him so I could go, but felt terrible about it.
When I was 16 I told the bishop that when I was 9 years old I had let someone touch me over and under clothing. he asked, “did you let it go any farther?” I told him no, and he said, “you’re lucky you didn’t let it go any farther”. Once again i felt terrible shame. My meetings with these men followed me my whole life. I felt completely worthless because 9 year old me had “let” some one do that to me. I hated myself for a long time. I still do sometimes.