I was born into the church. Growing up, I always considered myself a normal kid but felt that the only thing in my life that was not normal was the church. I never did drugs or any illegal activity, like drink alcohol and get behind the wheel of a car while under the influence. I considered myself a good kid, but never good enough according to my parents and the teachings of church.
I was 12 the first time the bishop asked me about masturbation during an interview to do baptisms at the temple. I wasn’t sure what it was but I thought it may be of a sexual nature and I remember feeling awkward having been asked such a question. Shortly after, I found out what it was.
The following year when I was asked to have another interview with the bishop, I said I didn’t want to have an interview. But my father insisted that I go in for the interview, so I went. During that interview one of the first questions the bishop asked me was how I felt about serving a mission. I said I didn’t want to serve a mission and he kept asking me why and I kept saying I just didn’t want to. I ended the interview by getting up and leaving.
During that time I always felt awkwardness during such interviews because I felt that they were going to ask me more probing questions about my life. This is what I always dreaded with these interviews. Six years after that, I had moved to a different area and had an interview with a new bishop. He asked me if I was having any problems with masturbation and I reluctantly said, yes. Then some years later when I was in college, I moved to a new ward and was asked the same question by a new bishop and then another bishop.
Sometime after that, I began to feel that I’d had just about enough of these probing interviews, so I stopped going to church and I´ve never been happier. Today, I’m living a good, genuine life without the church and I feel more at peace knowing that my kids aren’t going to have to go through any of this.
I now realize that these interviews and other things church related are a mechanism they use to try and control people’s minds and thoughts. They try to guilt you over many normal, everyday things in life. They use guilt to make you feel worthless and then try to build you up during these interviews to make you more dependent on their organization. They instill phobias (illegitimate fear) to control the members and keep them from leaving. It’s really sick and twisted.