#785 Allred. CS: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8. Other: In addition to my own story here, my sisters have endured similar abuse by church leadership – including being sexually assaulted by the bishop in President Monson’s ward where my family lived for almost 20 years. Too many of the men in my family have been taught that this is normal and acceptable behavior, and have perpetuated abuse, and guilt/blame toward us women in the family. I could go on with countless horror stories within my own family, but suffice it to say – the trauma has affected us since our family began, and still causes us struggles as a family today.

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 4. Grooming, 5. Sexual abuse, 6. Impaired sexual relations after marriage, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 8. Suicide Ideation, Consequence Stories2 Comments

I was 15 years old when my biological father raped and sodomized me over 130 times for a period which lasted nine long months. I had been kicked out of my home by my stepfather, and ignored by the mother who would rather please the priesthood holder in the home, than stand up for her…

#784 Jerold G. CS: 1,2,3,7,8

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 8. Suicide Ideation, Consequence StoriesLeave a comment

I remember having so much anxiety about meeting with the bishop that I would throw up before I met with the bishop. In my mission interview my stake president asked if I had sex with animals. I remember hating myself for years due to inappropriate questions. Later in college I was talking to my bishop…

#781 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,4,6,7,8,9

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 4. Grooming, 6. Impaired sexual relations after marriage, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 8. Suicide Ideation, 9. Attempted Suicide, Consequence StoriesLeave a comment

I was asked multiple times if I masturbated and then he explained how bad it is and the addictive nature of it. I denied it but felt guilty for years until I attempted to take my life 2 seperate times. Finally I admitted to my bishop that I masturbated and what he said didn’t make…

#780 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,8

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 8. Suicide Ideation, Consequence StoriesLeave a comment

I started masturbating when I was 12. I didn’t know what it was until I found the definition in a health book. It explained that masturbation was a natural thing that most people did, it was normal and even healthy. That definition SAVED ME. Later on I learned that it was a sin that needed…

#779 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,4,6,7,8,9

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 4. Grooming, 6. Impaired sexual relations after marriage, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 8. Suicide Ideation, 9. Attempted Suicide, Consequence StoriesLeave a comment

Summary of the following story: I was groomed by my church leaders all growing up to be deceived by a pervert (another Bishop) and I thought all that happened to me was completely normal. I have decided to leave the church for any reason just pick one. I do know that I am not the…

#775 Ryan. CS: 1,2,3,7,8,9

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 8. Suicide Ideation, 9. Attempted Suicide, Consequence StoriesLeave a comment

I was born and raised in your standard LDS home. To give some background, I’d been through the standard public education sex-ed class and had been taught a little about sex and puberty by my mother when I was ten. I’d been taught nothing of masturbation but had already inadvertently discovered it, though I didn’t…

#774 E.M. CS: 1,2,3,4,6,7

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 4. Grooming, 6. Impaired sexual relations after marriage, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, Consequence StoriesLeave a comment

I was the most innocent teenager growing up in the mission field in an orthodox family. I was best friends with the Bishop’s daughter who was boy crazy. I wasn’t, mostly because at that age the boys had not caught up to my height or emotional maturity. One night the bishop’s daughter wanted to sneak…

#770 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,7,8. Other: Repeated self harm as part of guilt

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 8. Suicide Ideation, Consequence StoriesLeave a comment

My youth leader took a different route. One day in Deacon’s quorum he asked all of us “Do you know what jacking off is?” He sort of made a hand motion to kind of give us the idea. When no one really replied, he said, “Well, don’t do that”. Seems maybe harmless? But we got…

#765 Katy K. CS: 1,2,3,4,7

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 4. Grooming, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, Consequence StoriesLeave a comment

I grew up in the church. I vividly remember sitting through a Young Women’s lesson one Sunday when I was 15 or 16. The lesson was on chastity. Our well meaning leader explained to us how chastity is similar to touching rose petals. The more the petals are touched, the more wilted they become. I…