My first experience with church leaders asking me about pornography or masturbation happened when I was about 12. I had always been curious about sexuality since most of my friends in middle school were not members and they looked at pornography regularly. My bishop asked me if I looked at pornography or masturbated when I…
I was inspired by former Bishop Sam Young’s campaign to end teen interviews with bishops for the plethora of reasons he has outlined. I have been wanting to share my own personal story on this topic for 38 years, but it has been very difficult to find the words, process the emotions, and not end…
I was raised LDS and was a believing devout member as I prepared for my mission in my senior year of high school. I left for my mission a week after I graduated. During the interview process to determine my worthiness to serve as a missionary, I was asked by the counselor of the stake…
When I was 6, my brother and I played “doctor”. I had no idea at the time there was anything wrong with the game, we were nearly playing make believe. We did the normal children’s game of “I’ll show you mine, if you show me yours”, and on the count of 3 we quickly gave…
When I was in my mid-30’s, my father admitted to me that he molested me when I was a very young child. He said that he “took care of it” by going to the bishop. He never said that he was sorry. He never stopped looking at me in a sexual way. Nothing changed. Yet…
As a girl, I never heard any messages directed to the young women about masturbation, which made me feel like I must be especially bad because I couldn’t stop doing something that seemingly no other young women had a problem with. I prayed and begged god to help me stop, to take away my desire…
The first interview I remember was my pre-baptism interview when I was 8. The bishop took me into his office, having my parents wait outside. He asked me a lot of different questions, including whether I had ever touched myself. Due to the tone in which he asked, I recognized that “touching myself” was a…
I turned twelve in 1973, while living in Cache Valley, Utah. I spent the two years I was a Deacon in the Aaronic Priesthood in Utah. I do not recall any intrusive or poignant, sexually-themed questions at all during that time. But we moved to Chattanooga, Tennessee around my fourteenth birthday. The sexualization of my…
Just like many other young women in the church, I was specifically taught from a young age that my worth was dependent on my purity. Young women are taught that we are responsible for young men’s thoughts and actions. I was taught that if I dressed immodestly that I was “walking pornography” to the men…
I’m gay. I thought if I was the perfect Mormon boy, God would cure me of my gayness because obviously this is sinful. When I found out as a teenager that masturbation was a sin I wanted to die. I felt worthless and terrible. I knew I had to tell the bishop if I wanted…