#49 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,5,6,7. Other: Intentional Self Harm

I first experienced orgasm as an 8 year old girl, at the hands of a teacher. I didn’t understand the sensation I had felt nor had I wanted it. It was in discussing it with a friend (who was also being abused) and her “older” sister (who was 10) that we were told that what…

#46 Dave S. CS: 1,2,3,4,6,7,8,10

I’ve lived with decades of shame, guilt and anxiety due to dozens of private worthiness meetings with LDS leaders when I was as young as eleven years old. The questions were always sexually-based and completely inappropriate. As a father and now a grandfather, I cannot fathom how this perverted system still exists. There is no…

#44 Name Hidden. CS: 1,7. Other: Nightmares, shame, rejection

This is the story of my two children. One MIA night, my son, 17 and my daughter 14, were called into the bishop’s office separately. This couldn’t have been a birthday yearly interview because their birthdays were months apart. One in March and the other in May. It was an unscheduled, no appointment, impromptu interview,…

#43 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,8

I began masturbating around 10 years old. The guilt started around that time. As my 12th birthday got closer and I started thinking about my interviews to become a deacon, I became suicidal from the overwhelming guilt of masturbating and looking at porn (in the form of Victoria’s Secret catalogs, before high speed internet). For…

#41 Name Hidden. CS: 1,3,8

My duration at the Provo MTC was from September through November of 2008. Each and every day there were lessons, videos, talks, activities, and speakers which all focused on personal worthiness, and that all success as a missionary depends on that worthiness. The result was a constant and immense feeling of guilt, insecurity, and failure…

#39 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,4,6,7,8 Other: Ideation about self-mutilation

On average, from age 5 to 28, I considered suicide and/or self-mutilation roughly once a week, in part because I was subjected to these interviews. I encountered some of the church’s teachings about sexual sin early on, and as early as age 5 (I was molested by another child a few years older than me—as…