I first experienced orgasm as an 8 year old girl, at the hands of a teacher. I didn’t understand the sensation I had felt nor had I wanted it. It was in discussing it with a friend (who was also being abused) and her “older” sister (who was 10) that we were told that what…
So in light of the current trend, here is one of my stories. This is not necessarily a story of abuse per se, but of my paranoia to be worthy and how it affected my health. Like any teenage boy, I masturbated. Growing up in a super TBM home, I didn’t need to talk to…
When I was in high school, we had a bishop who was also one of our high school teachers in my small home town. When this bishop would bring me into his office for an interview, he would sit very close , so that our knees were touching, then look into my eyes, and say…
I’ve lived with decades of shame, guilt and anxiety due to dozens of private worthiness meetings with LDS leaders when I was as young as eleven years old. The questions were always sexually-based and completely inappropriate. As a father and now a grandfather, I cannot fathom how this perverted system still exists. There is no…
I always had to report to my bishop growing up if/how often I masturbated or looked at porn. It was always degrading, and left me with a ton of guilt. I once got asked by my bishop how many fingers I used and if my fingers penetrated my girlfriend at the time. Super inappropriate and…
This is the story of my two children. One MIA night, my son, 17 and my daughter 14, were called into the bishop’s office separately. This couldn’t have been a birthday yearly interview because their birthdays were months apart. One in March and the other in May. It was an unscheduled, no appointment, impromptu interview,…
I began masturbating around 10 years old. The guilt started around that time. As my 12th birthday got closer and I started thinking about my interviews to become a deacon, I became suicidal from the overwhelming guilt of masturbating and looking at porn (in the form of Victoria’s Secret catalogs, before high speed internet). For…
My duration at the Provo MTC was from September through November of 2008. Each and every day there were lessons, videos, talks, activities, and speakers which all focused on personal worthiness, and that all success as a missionary depends on that worthiness. The result was a constant and immense feeling of guilt, insecurity, and failure…
I have a few but the one that was directed towards me was when it was my birthday interview. The bishop asked basic questions like how’s school, how family, anything new… I confessed that I was really struggling with dating… I was almost 17 and had never been even asked out on a date. Not…
On average, from age 5 to 28, I considered suicide and/or self-mutilation roughly once a week, in part because I was subjected to these interviews. I encountered some of the church’s teachings about sexual sin early on, and as early as age 5 (I was molested by another child a few years older than me—as…