As a teenager I was immersed in the gospel. I loved it. I loved the Book of Mormon. I spent much time memorizing passages from it. I was proud of my faith. But I masturbated from the time I was twelve years old. After much internal agony, I confessed to my bishop in my annual…
I don’t remember the first time that sexual questions were asked by my bishop, but I remember that just before my 12th birthday I was racked with shame, embarrassment, and dread because of an upcoming interview with my bishop. I had held a secret for the last two years, and now I was about to…
When I was fifteen and sixteen, I became involved with a man who was ten years my senior. He was sexually abusive and would be sexual with me despite my protests. This went on for two years. I became very insolated and dependent on him and felt helpless to end the abuse cycle. I talked…
My story starts in a place I imagine many stories start. In the bath tub. It was around five years old that I first discovered that playing with myself felt really good. It was also the beginning of a childhood wracked with intense guilt, shame and self loathing. “Dinkin” around in the bath, I heard…
When I turned 16, I had my bishops interview for a temple recommend. I was asked if I had sexual intercourse and when I said yes, my whole world fell apart. My bishop wanted to know who the boy was. I didn’t want to tell. I knew it was not appropriate and it was not…
I was inactive from the time I graduated High School until I was around 20. At that time, I decided to come back to church and “repent” for what I was taught was sexual misconduct with my boyfriend. The bishop of my YSA ward was like a father figure to me. He took me into…
I was sexually abused at age 4 and again at age 7 by members of the Church. I learned early that extreme compliance was the way to keep safe. I was also raised to believe that bishops represented God in everything they said and did and that I could not be forgiven without seeing a…
We moved to a new ward when I was 13 and I discovered masturbation shortly after that. I didn’t discuss it with anyone, but I gleaned enough context around the topic from friends and the church’s teachings on sex that I felt guilty and felt the only way to repent was through confession to the…
There are three bishops whom had the authority to declare the validity to my self worthiness: from taking the sacrament to going through the temple and onto serve a mission. The second bishop, whom I knew since the age of 6 was my best friend’s father. I shared family dinners with him, slept over at…
At 17, I was repeatedly asked specific questions by my bishop when I went in to confess the things I had done. I was asked whether I spit or swallowed. I was asked whether or not I masturbated, how often, and what I used. I was required to visit with him weekly and sometimes twice…