This is very difficult so I’ll make it short. I was damaged quite badly by the shame I felt for so called sins and transgressions. I feel like I was conditioned to talk about things of a sexual nature to older men which I feel made it easier for a predator to sink his teeth…
I was fortunate to have the leaders that I did, they always treated me with respect. However, I did suffer from self-loathing and unnecessary shame due to the culture of normal sexual exploration being seen as a sin second to murder. I hated myself for years even though I was a pretty “pure” teenager, and…
I was a young adult during the time in which the internet and online porn were becoming popular. It seemed that every Sunday or General Conference was filled with endless warning of porn. I was probably an “expert” on porn before I had even had a chance to know what it really was. Before I…
When I was 16 I told my mia-maid leader that I had sex and had smoked marijuana. I expected her to keep it private but she told me she would tell my parents if I didn’t talk to the bishop. I went into his office alone to confess and he asked me how I liked…
I’ll never understand why my parents thought it was a good idea or allowed me to stay overnight with a 60 year old (approx.), single man who recently immigrated to the United States when I was about 7 or 8 years old, but they did. This man was someone my father was instrumental in bringing…
Growing up I was taught in church that masturbation was the most vile and nasty thing and no one did it except really bad people, at least that is the impression I got. I had so much fear and shame around masturbation that I would never allow myself to masturbate but I did everything else…
I was sexualized when I was 14 by an adult female, “Helen”. She was in her mid-20s. At the same time I was also given drugs——not a soft drug, like marijuana, but “acid”, or LSD. (This is a long story and I won’t go into it here, only to say that this is what basically…
My mother was inactive LDS growing up. My dad was of another faith. I didn’t go to church often, but would at times go play basketball with neighborhood friends who were LDS. At one of these shootarounds when I was thirteen, I was pulled into the bishop’s office without either of my parent’s consent or…
I’ve written about a hundred pages worth of material trying to figure out what I want to say and get it down to something less than a thousand words. This is around two thousand. My difficulty in being succinct is perhaps evidence of the severity of the trauma and my need to talk about it.…
When I was 16, I was sure I was in love with my boyfriend. Evenings were spent cuddling watching tv. As often happens the line kept being crossed, just a little at a time and I soon found myself in the bishops office. He listened as I uncomfortably explained that I had gone “too far.”…