I was a young adult during the time in which the internet and online porn were becoming popular. It seemed that every Sunday or General Conference was filled with endless warning of porn. I was probably an “expert” on porn before I had even had a chance to know what it really was. Before I had even hit puberty church leaders, in private one-on-one interviews, were asking me if I had looked at pornography and had masturbated. One leader even phrased the question as “when was the last time you looked at porn/masturbated?” At the time I did not have a clear concept of what these things were but I remember the feelings of shame and guilt surround me.
After these interviews for a school project in middle school, I made a collage and it was supposed to have a movie star on it so my dad helped me look up a picture of a movie star that he liked (Jennifer Lopez) and in some of the pictures she was dressed only in underwear. Well, I felt that I had looked at porn and was filled with so much shame. I literally had this fear that Satan would come get me or that an angel would come strike me with a sword or something. I felt worthless. I felt like I had gone over to the side of Satan and would never be the same (because that is what all the leaders were saying at the time – once you look at porn you will never be the same, etc.).
Well, I never was the same. But it wasn’t because of the pictures I saw. It was because of the guilt and shaming from the church throughout the rest of my life until I finally came to my senses and realized the harm the Mormon church was causing me. My children will never be victims of this terrible brainwashing. I still go to church to support my wife so know that someone in your pews most Sundays WILL NOTE permit you to harm my son like you harmed me. One on one interviews probing little boys on if they touch their penis or not NEEDS TO STOP. PERIOD.