It was October of 2007, and I had just turned 8. I was told I had to meet the bishop, to see if I was worthy enough, so I could get baptized. I went in nervous as all hell, and wondered what he was going to ask me. He started off with the standard questions about the Ten Commandments and whatnot.
But then he asked me if I touched myself, I was thinking “a part of you is always touching another part of your body.” So as an eight year old I didn’t understand the question, so I asked what he meant. He said “Do you touch your private parts?” Still, I was so confused and I just thought he meant when I had to clean myself while using the ‘potty’. So we just moved on, I got baptized and was very active in the church.
Years later when I was about 12 or so, I went in for another interview with a new bishop. I didn’t like him ever since this interview took place. The first thing he did was open the For Strength of Youth and talked about chastity. He asked if I touched myself, if I’ve kissed boys, if I kissed them while laying on top of them, if I ever took any clothing off while around boys, and if a boy had ever touched my ‘private parts’.
I was 12 years old, barely in 6th grade, didn’t even really like any boys, and barely knew what sex was. I was humiliated and the whole interview was just sexual questions. Nothing else. I was so embarrassed because I had never done any of what he asked me; so why did he think it was important to ask?
Ever since that interview I didn’t want to kiss a boy, or think about self-exploration. The guilt and shame piled and piled, I got bullied for not “progressing” sexually with the rest of my age group. I was very sheltered and wanted to hermit in my room. I became suicidal and very depressed. But my mom got me out of the funk, we left the church after questions arose and got researched. I’ve been out for about 4 years now, and I’ve never been better. My sexual life has NOTHING to do with my worthiness of love, acceptance, and how my life will end up.