My story is nothing special. I didn’t look at pornography in my teens, but I woke up from a wet dream when I was 13 and reproduced it in the shower not long after. I later discovered that it was termed masturbation and learned in Sunday school, “For the Strength of Youth”, and Teacher’s quorum that it was a very serious sin and offence to God that made me unworthy. Every time I had a worthiness interview and I would be asked if I obeyed the law of chastity, my eyes would water and I would try so very hard to not cry. I lied, because I feared the shame of that leader knowing and that he would tell my parents. They would all know I was a “terrible person” for offending God by perversing his sacred trust. This is in regards to temple attendance and sacrament duties done unworthily. Upon hearing that I would be having an interview in the following week, I was filled with such anxiety and dread for days leading up to them. I hated myself for lying and for not being able to overcome masturbation. I attempted to stop at least a few hundred times. My self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence were completely absent in my teen years from being taught that I was committing horrible sins of sexual misuse and lying to the Lord’s representatives. These negative feelings for myself and the effects that they have caused have continued to the present day. These teachings and practices are harmful and need to stop.
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