My story starts in a place I imagine many stories start. In the bath tub. It was around five years old that I first discovered that playing with myself felt really good. It was also the beginning of a childhood wracked with intense guilt, shame and self loathing. “Dinkin” around in the bath, I heard…
I was sexually abused at age 4 and again at age 7 by members of the Church. I learned early that extreme compliance was the way to keep safe. I was also raised to believe that bishops represented God in everything they said and did and that I could not be forgiven without seeing a…
We moved to a new ward when I was 13 and I discovered masturbation shortly after that. I didn’t discuss it with anyone, but I gleaned enough context around the topic from friends and the church’s teachings on sex that I felt guilty and felt the only way to repent was through confession to the…
There are three bishops whom had the authority to declare the validity to my self worthiness: from taking the sacrament to going through the temple and onto serve a mission. The second bishop, whom I knew since the age of 6 was my best friend’s father. I shared family dinners with him, slept over at…
At 17, I was repeatedly asked specific questions by my bishop when I went in to confess the things I had done. I was asked whether I spit or swallowed. I was asked whether or not I masturbated, how often, and what I used. I was required to visit with him weekly and sometimes twice…
When I was 17 I went to see my bishop after I felt my boyfriend and I had gone too far physically. He did ask me very specific details and also what I had done to encourage this and if I felt it was OK to exhibit that type of behavior around a son of…
I was ten. I stumbled across porn for the first time, and had kept it a secret from my parents as I knew they would be ashamed in me if they knew their child was bisexual. I had always considered myself to be a more mature child, and I had heard that finding and occasionally…
I remember being asked in every interview if I was keeping the law of chastity. I had always answered ‘yes’ until I was 18. Me and my boyfriend at the time had engaged in some “inappropriate” behaviors, and I knew I had sinned. During my next interview I was asked if I kept the law…
I have a lot of stories, but I would like to share the two most important ones. Shortly after turning 16, I had my first kiss. It was totally innocent but, as a good Mormon girl, I believed that it was the height of sexuality. Of course, I never experienced anything more than that, even…
I grew up in the LDS Church, though I was not very active. I would meet often with the Bishop and have personal interviews with him, often about sexual matters. It tended to be the focus of each meeting whether or not I was masturbating and how I would be blessed if I stopped. This…