I was born and raised in the Mormon Church along with my older sister and older brother. The brainwashing began for me at a very early age. Monthly testimony meetings and being led to believe that the bishop had a direct line of communication with the Lord molded my brain to believe that the Bishop knew everything and saw everything.
I was 16 when I had my “worthiness “ interview to see if I was “pure” enough to enter the temple. I was a virgin. I had never had any type of sexual experience. I had only kissed a boy that I had been best friends with for years. I had no knowledge of what an orgasm was either male or female.
I sat across from the bishop (I wish I could say that bastard’s name), he in his 3 piece slimy greasy suit and I dressed conservatively in a dress. The questions came immediately. Have I masturbated, have I participated in heavy petting, oral sex, have I had an orgasm.
As each question was asked, the more confused, disgusted, horrified, sick, humiliated, exposed, vulnerable, basically every emotion a young woman would feel as she is being raped, I felt!!! I told the bishop that I didn’t know what an orgasm was. He proceeded to tell me in graphic detail. He also described in detail how it feels to him and how it feels to his wife when they have sex and have an orgasm as well.
I knew that what he was doing to me was wrong. My personal relationship with the Lord and the Lord as I knew him to be would not do this to me. A rage inside of me began. I stood up and unleashed holy hell on that piece of shit. I slammed both fists on his desk and told him to fxxk off and that I would never ever return to this evil church again.
I walked home and told my mother. I loved my mother more than anything. She was a wonderful mother. But what she said to me has stayed with me my entire life. She said “well, they’re asking you these questions for your own good.“
It was then that I realized the scope of brainwashing and the twisting of minds this CULT practices . Not only the young but every age and stage in life. I never went back. The more educated I became the more I was able to separate lies from truths about this Cult.
In 1985, I continued on to college, 185 miles from home in Bozeman, Montana. I was newly married and living on campus. The missionaries came to our apartment questioning me why I haven’t been to church.
1989 in Manhattan, Kansas, they came again questioning me. They followed my husband downstairs to his bike and confronted him. They said “why is your wife not attending church? It’s usually the husband who keeps his wife from attending”.
1991 Topeka, Kansas, I had just had a baby and our doorbell rings at 9:30 pm. At the door were 2 high level priesthood holders. Not missionaries. Before they could speak, I unleashed rage on them and ordered them off my property and if they or any other Mormon Cult member came to me again I would call the police and file harassment charges.
This Cult FOLLOWED me!!!! Wherever I moved they found me. I finally officially notified them in writing to take me off their member list for good. This is my story, but my brother and sister suffered greatly and still do to this day because of this Cult. Their lies, deceit, deception, and sexual abuse have got to stop. Thank you so much for allowing me this platform to tell my story. It is my prayer that more and more men and women come forward. This Cult needs to be dismantled and demolished!!!
I so admire you’re courage and clarity of thought. Ironically, I was the model Mormon boy, and probably would have thought poorly of you as a youth. But looking back on a life of shame about my own sexuality, I so admire you. I can’t recall specific interviews, there were so many because I had the perfect combination of faith, early exploration (masturbated years before baptism – must have been an evil 5 year old) and I was willing to be honest. Decades later, my life has been scarred by well intended (I think) but untrained leaders, and I’ll likely never experience healthy sexual relations. That is the cost of buying into the narrative and judging you as a youth.