I was sexually abused by a family member from the age of 6 to almost 15. When it all came to light, I was asked to see my Bishop (alone). My Bishop tried to be a psychologist and told me that I CHOSE to be abused when I was in the spirit world so it was all ok. It was just God’s plan working itself out. Every interview after that, my Bishop asked me if I was having sex or masturbating and acted shocked that I was not and even told me that most abuse victims become promiscuous. It felt like he was calling me a liar. He continued to tell me that I had chosen my ‘trial’ in the spirit world every chance he got. I felt so disgusting to think that I had chosen to be abused.
When I was seventeen, I even tried to take my own life because I felt so disgusted by myself. A few years later at the age of 19, I was at a guy friends house one evening with some friends and I was sexually assaulted. During my next temple recommend interview (again alone), I opened up about it and was denied my temple recommend and put on disciplinary probation because, as my Bishop said, I brought on my own rape by being at that guy’s house. Never mind that I fought and said no.
This all sent me into a deep depression. I felt so unworthy and unloveable. Even After I got married (in the temple), I felt not worth it, and Every time I tried talking to anyone at church about it, I ended up in a Bishop’s office (alone) being asked questions about sex and if my mental state prevented me from fullfilling my marital duties. I eventually stopped going to church and confided in my husband all of these things. He also left the church and I’m finally starting to heal with the proper counseling.