When I was 14 I went to my bishop to confess to looking at pornography and masturbation. I remember the shame more than anything. My bishop at the time was my next door neighbor and father of one of my best friends. I remember confessing to him alone that I had looked at pornography, and he immediately followed my confession with questions about masturbation. Had it just been looking at pornography? Or had I masturbated? How frequently? When would I do it? For two weeks I was not allowed to take the sacrament or pray publicly. This was extremely embarrassing. There is only one reason that a young man would refuse taking the sacrament, and I had to do that publicly in front of my peers. The worst experience regarding this was in seminary. Of course during the two week probation I was asked in seminary to pray. I hadn’t told the teacher not to do so, because I was so embarrassed, so then I had to decline in front of all my friends and classmates. It destroyed me to do so. I remember having anxiety and panic attacks beginning then and into college and beyond. I still struggle over the shame, guilt and embarrassment I felt, for having done something harmful to nobody, and incredibly private.