When I was 16 I had been dating someone for awhile. It was standard to have a bishop’s interview to get a dance card and stuff. I went in to my interview already nervous because my boyfriend and I had been “petting.” My bishop asked if I was dating, if I was in a relationship, if I was touching or being touched over clothes, under clothes, if private parts had been touched, if fingers had been inserted into my vagina. I was horrified and humilated to be asked these questions by someone in authority and who was older than my parents and who I didn’t know other than seeing him at church on Sundays. It was awful. The interview went 45 minutes as he continued to ask detailed questions about what my boyfriend and I were doing. I walked out of there like a big A was on my chest but even more than that I realized that I was almost as bad as a murderer because sexual sins are a sin next to murder. I didn’t feel worthy of love. I didn’t feel good. I ended up being physically abused by a boyfriend for more than 5 years. I had such low opinions of myself it didn’t matter. I’ve been in abusive situations, survived a rape, and struggled with suicide ideation since being a teen. The feelings of being bad never go away.
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