I was 11 years old when I was sent to live with mormon relatives. Because of my age I had to go through the missionary lessons in order to be baptized. I did not want to be baptized, but it was not an option. I was beaten until I agreed to do what I was told to do. The missionaries were constantly telling me that I had to tell them everything in order to be baptized because I had to repent for each act. Before I was taken to that home I had suffered many types of abuse including many types of sexual abuse. I was told by the missionaries and the bishop that it was all my fault and each act needed to be described in detail so I could be forgiven. I was constantly shamed for the evil acts I had done before getting to the church. I was all alone and had no one I could talk to or trust.
I was lucky and was out of that home by 13 but only recently have I realized that damage that was left behind by that experience. In my teens I tried to commit suicide several times. Finally I got married and and had my babies. At this point I found my first reason to live. I was determined not to allow my children to suffer 1 minute of the hell I had lived through. I did my best to break the cycle with my boys.
My boys had the best life I could give them but it was far from perfect, though to my knowledge not one of them was abused.
My history destroyed my first marriage. And it was many years before I found a man who had suffered the way I had and we started to help each other heal from our childhoods. We are going into our 7th year married and have been together for over 15 years. He is an angel when we were together for 7 years I rejoined the church. I was told that they no longer treated the children the way I was treated. They lied. It is still happening and children are still suffering in silence. 6 months ago I was told that as a woman I was required to wear a dress, which I had managed to avoid, at that point I realized the church was still exactly the same as when I was a child. I went inactive and started rereading the new testament. I have a renewed faith in the Lord and have found peace with my past.