When I was 14 I gave another boy in my ward oral sex. I wasn’t planning on confessing and was just going to move on from it. The boy apparently confessed what happened to the bishop and I was called in. My parents were briefed and I was forced into a one on one,. He asked me all of the questions. Where did it happen, how many times, was it to completion, were there other boys I did this to, did he do it to me, how did it make me feel, ect. I remember feeling physically ill the entire time.
The biggest memory I have was how he was sitting and looking at me. He was slightly reclined in his chair, with one arm draped across his stomach and one hand up by his face in a pondering position while he intently stared at me. It made me so uncomfortable how intently he stared at me without breaking eye contact as I answered his questions. I thought, at the time, that the sick feeling was normal. That I must feel that way because I was a sinner. It didn’t cross my mind until years later what happened, a fourteen year old girl alone with a 40 year old man was uncomfortable for being forced to share sexual stories while being intently stared at. It didn’t dawn on me that it was ok for me to not want him staring at me like that.
He never tried to touch me inappropriately, and I believe he might have meant well. It doesn’t change the fact that now 16 years later I feel sick again just thinking about it. In what other area of life would a parent force a 14 year old girl to be alone with a 40 year old unlicensed man to tell sexual stories to?