When I was 19, I began college at BYU-I. I had reconnected with my high school sweetheart and we wanted to get married. The year before, I had been in a serious relationship with a different man and we had had sex. I didn’t have any issues or regrets from it but knew it would come up with my bishop and might put my wedding on hold. In order to get in front of it, I set an appointment with my YSA bishop at BYU-I. I told him about my relationship and that I felt as though I had come to terms with it as had Christ. He proceeded to ask me more questions than any man should ask. He asked me how many times? What positions? Had I orgasmed? Did I perform oral on him or had he performed on me? Did I enjoy having sex? Was our sex penis-in-vagina or anal? These questions were irrelevant to my ‘worthiness’ interview but got asked anyway. My experience was invasive and demeaning but there are thousands of members who have had much worse experiences. To those people, my heart goes out to you. I hope you find peace. To the church: do not forget us.
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