When I was in high school, I was raped by someone I trusted. At the time, I couldn’t comprehend what happened to me. I felt dirty and guilty for being involved with sexual activity, even though it was not my choice. I went and talked to my bishop and explained that this young man had forced himself on me after I told him no several times.
My bishop asked me what I was wearing when it happened. He asked if the young man had ejaculated. He asked me if my hymen broke. He asked me if I enjoyed any part of it and if I tried to put up a fight. Because I didn’t know any better, I answered all of the questions. I didn’t know how they were relevant, but I trusted him because he was a man of “power”.
My bishop proceeded to tell me that I should have dressed more modestly and should not have been alone with this young man in his bedroom. He told me that if I had taken the proper precautions, this would have never happened. He told me that we all have our agency and this young man used his to rape me. I left the interview feeling more depressed than I did when I arrived. As someone who already dealt heavily with depression and anxiety, this made matters worse. I felt like a worthless human and that I caused this to happen to myself. I started to believe that I deserved this.
After about 6 months of dealing with these unresolved emotions, I attempted suicide. I, thankfully, was unsuccessful. After years and years of counseling, I’ve come to terms with this and understand that being raped was not my fault. I’ve shared this story with only a select few, but I feel like it’s time to bring this issue to light. Children are being asked inappropriate and unnecessary questions behind closed doors. It is toying with children’s psyche and needs to stop.