I was sexually abused as a child and as a teen. At my baptism interview, I remember feeling shame for the abuse, and this continued well into adulthood. After telling my Bishop that I was sexually abused as a teen, I had to go through the repentance process, including not taking the sacrament, while my perpetrators kept their temple recommends and callings in presidencies. I was asked details about what happened which traumatized me all over again. I was asked probing questions about sex and masturbation that made me feel ashamed and dirty. I questioned my sexuality for years, and I avoided men because I felt like I wasn’t good enough in God’s eyes. I wasn’t allowed to serve an LDS mission because my abuser was a woman, so I had committed the “sin” of homosexuality. I was told to read the miracle of forgiveness as part of my repentance process, where I learned that my “sins” would lead to bestiality. I contemplated suicide for most of my teen and young adult years, and attempted it once. I avoided close relationships because I didn’t feel worthy to be in a relationship.