I felt uncomfortable just being in the presence of Bishop _____. Knowing what he was going to ask me made my heart race with dread. Every 6 months he would pull me into his office and shut the window-less door behind me. Then he would proceed to grill me.
“When was the last time you masturbated?” He explained his question was mandated by the Stake President who instructed all the bishops to “not ask if, but when was the last time?” And Bishop ______ made a special point of being perfectly obedient on that counsel. He would ask the question and then wait, staring at me intently. He would wait in silence while I squirmed in my seat, sweating, wishing I could crawl under a rock. If I refused to confess, he would ask again, waiting for me to crack. If I continued to deny it, he would usually drop the issue after 3 attempts to get it out of me. But the look on his face made clear his disappointment in my unwillingness to tell him about me masturbating.
But if I admitted to sinning, he would then lecture me on the evils of self abuse and would then explain how much better I could now feel knowing I had resolved the issue with the proper authority. I never understood that part of it because I always left his office feeling much worse than when I entered.
These meetings were always one-on-one. My parents would drop me off at the church, and then return to pick me up at the end. And every six months I knew I had another interview coming up and it was awful. I hated myself and I wished I didn’t have to go. But in the Mormon church you do what you’re told, even when its terrible. This practice must stop. Please stop one-on-one interviews with leaders and stop all discussions of sexual matters!!