I learned to masturbate as an infant. It was no big deal to me. I only did it while alone. I had sexual ideas and daydreams when I was a child. I started to think these thoughts were bad. My bro brought porn mags into our room. He did not hide them well. I started to view porn and masturbate.
At 12 I had a priesthood interview and I admitted what I had been doing. I never gave my bro up though. My bishop used all the usual tactics. “The lord destroyed the old testament people who spilled their seed” “if you keep doing it you will turn gay”, “no worthy girl will want you”
At 14 my bishop pulled out a paper and asked me several questions. Then gave me grades.
Do you honor your priesthood?………..F
Do you honor your parents?……………..F
Collect fast offerings?………………………..D
Law of chastity(I was a virgin)…………….F
Do you study your scriptures?……………D
Pay tithing………………………………………….F
He gave me the paper and said “I am your judge in Israel and this is were you stand with the lord”
I had several interviews. Always failed. Never good enough. I’m still not good enough. At 55 I have had a horrible sex life. Divorced twice. I’ll be alone from here out.
I don’t know how much those interviews affected me in the end. I know my “unworthiness” has always been with me.
I hate myself and the Mormon church.