This happened more than 20 years ago. I was 11. My dad left us when we were young. My mom was an alcoholic and a prostitute. My family life was hell. I don’t know the whole story but my mom took the missionary lessons when I was young and got baptized. She went through cycles of try to get clean. She was always conning someone and doing whatever she could for money. She never admitted it, but I think she was in it for the welfare.
We went to church once a month maybe a little more. This was a new ward. We moved around a lot. I was shy, poor, not well kept, an easy target. This wasn’t the first time an adult took advantage of me. This wasn’t the worst thing sexually I had experienced. But it had the worst impact on my psychology.
The bishop had me alone. I don’t know why. I guess it was something for young women’s. He looked at me the same as some of the others. I knew his intentions. He asked me if I touched myself. I looked down. Not this again. Please God don’t let it happen here. I mumbled no. He told me it was very important I tell the truth. He asked me again. I looked down and mumbled yes, sometimes I guess. He smiled. What the fuck? He smiled?! That smile haunts me. He told me it’s ok. He said God made us that way to like it and it’s ok. He asked if I wanted to touch him that way. I looked at the door? Could I run for it? He sat up in his chair like he was ready to dash in front of the door to stop me. It’s ok he says again. It’s ok isn’t it? As he gets up and comes around the desk to sit in the chair next to me. Puts his hand on my knee.
I can smell his putrid breath and see his oily hair. His finger up my skirt and under my panties. He gets rough and I have to hold my cry in to myself. He then pulls out what I call the monster. Puts my hand on it. Then shoves my face down on it. I’ve done this before so I know what to do. I’m crying as he finishes. He must have known I was someone he could do that to. I never said a word. We moved again. But I never forgot. I decided God didn’t care about me if that’s what he let a bishop do to me. I’m doing better now. I have been to hell and back. But I’ve worked hard. I found a good therapist. I got clean. Thank you for putting up this website. My therapist told me writing this is a big step for me.