I didn’t even know what masturbation was until my bishop asked me. I lied because I was embarrassed and thought it was something I was supposed to know about. I looked it up online and discovered porn at an early age. I confessed to my bishop and ended up living in guilt and shame my entire teenage life. I thought that this was something only I did and there was something wrong with me, I thought I was despicable and unholy when compared to the other young men. I gave up on school and dropped out and got depressed enough to give up on life. The effects of those feelings still affect me to this day.