Like others here, I feel a little nervous to tell my story.
Interviews starting when I entered Young Women’s. All I heard until I was actually kissing boys was whether I was “keeping the law of chastity”. I didn’t kiss a boy until I was 17 years old, and that boy (who became my first boyfriend) touched my breasts over my dress one time. Once I told the bishop, he told my parents and made sure they gave me a copy of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments, and also made sure that I apologized to them personally. Maybe two years later, I was dating another boy and doing some dry humping (like you do as a Mormon teenager) with no touching over or under clothes otherwise. That same bishop, when I asked him what exactly was wrong with making out, explained to me that it was the ‘strong feelings resulted’ from the encounter. I asked him what he meant, and that’s when he began using the term “come to conclusion” (orgasm). Then he asked me if I had ever orgasmed, with who, and how many times. He asked me what it felt like. He even asked when was the most times I had orgasmed with one boy in one encounter. He asked me sometime in that same year how many fingers a boy could fit inside me, and asked for a description of how they touched my breasts. He told me men were like monkeys (of course, I heard this in YWs lessons too, along with the chewed-gum and licked-cupcake lessons), and that it was my job to keep from acting in a way that could make them have bad thoughts. This bishop was coming up to me in public for long hugs as recently as four years ago, but when I took my records out, he now acts like he doesn’t know me when he sees me.
I went to BYU. My bishop in my sophomore year there called a dress I wore to an interview (with cap sleeves, down to my knee) “provocative”—he used it as an example of why boys were consistently “thrown off” the straight and narrow path by my behavior and appearance. My roommate (less buxom, shorter) had worn the same dress to an interview the week before, had no comment like that, and that bishop actually attended her temple wedding.
After college, I became engaged to a very righteous boy, whose dad was a local stake president and is now a local mission president. This boy and I fooled around a lot. We had penetrative sex once. His family (five siblings and both parents) had a family council and warned him against marrying me, that our children would not be righteous because I was not a virgin (small town). We told both of our bishops that we’d committed the act. His bishop said to him, “What do you expect will happen with that kind of girl?” and my bishop told me I would need to have a disciplinary council. It was at this point, when my bishop pulled out a piece of paper and asked me to recount to him every sexual encounter I’d ever had in my life, so he could write it down (like: every guy. How many times each guy had touched me, and where. Every kind of sex, how many times. Eight years worth.) He then explained that I would read all of these things out loud to the council and then ask for their forgiveness. That’s when I left the church. I had no idea I could refuse to tell these men my private life. I thought for sure Heavenly Father would know if I were lying to them and punish me for it. But something clicked that day, and I’m so lucky. Don’t worry, I didn’t marry the guy!