When I was in high school, I had a serious boyfriend. After about a year of dating, we mutually decided to have sex. Many months passed and my bf felt guilty and that he needed to confess to his bishop so he went and met with him. They met and the following day my bf said that his bishop had asked to meet with me too. I didn’t understand why his bishop wanted to talk to me. If I wanted to go to my bishop, I had my own ward and my own bishop that I would meet with if I chose. This made me extremely uncomfortable, but I just thought it was something that needed to be done I guess. We went to meet with his bishop. My bf went in his office first while I waited. Only about 5 minutes later, they came out chuckling and in good spirits and asked me to join them. When I joined them, the bishop started to question us. How often? What positions? Where? Who initiated? And so forth. After he was done with his questioning, he shared his “council” with us. He told me that boys are like bulls. That boys, especially young men, have high sex drives that are virtually out of their control and that it is up to me as a young lady to keep that in check and not allow him to do what he is more or less inherently meant to do. What!?
So us having sex was my fault? The bishop told me that I needed to go to my bishop or he would call him for me. I walked out of that office completely humiliated and I felt completely crushed and just…..dirty. My bf was relieved because he hadn’t done anything wrong. Although I’m sure this bishop was a decent man, there is no way he should be counseling youth. I went to my mom after and told her what had happened and what his bishop said to me. She told me that didn’t agree with him, but did nothing. But honestly, what would she do? Question a bishop? This event affected me for decades. Sex, which is something that should be beautiful and special, became something that made me feel dirty and impure even after marriage.
I have daughters now who are active in the church which I support, even though for doctrinal reasons I have left the church. It makes me hopeful that the church will change its practice of having authoritative men asking children about sexual matters. If a person chooses to share that information with a bishop because they trust them, fine. But to be sat in a room and asked these kind of questions is absolutely wrong and it shocks me that this practice has been allowed for as long as it has.