I did not realize until I started typing how difficult this might be to share. I am flooded with so many emotions. I grew up in a very devout Mormon family. I was never sexually abused, but for some reason I discovered my sexuality in my childhood and began masturbating even before I was a…
I was a 14 year old child. I was raped. Had just had a lesson on “virtue”, the week before. I was so traumatized. I didn’t tell my parents because of the whole “it would be better to have your child come home in a pine box than to lose their virtue”, rhetoric. I went…
My childhood bishop was a good man. I write this story not to blame him but to blame the system that would put an untrained man in a room with young children asking sexual questions. In my first interview with him, he asked about masturbation. I didn’t know what that word meant, and I mistakenly…
I have many stories of shame from the Mormon Church. But one that sticks out, and pertains to this issue is this: I grew up in a prominent SLC Mormon ward. One day in YW they taught us about the important role us woman held in the church. We were the protectors of the men…
Long stories made short are the best when you’re still healing from the traumatic consequences you incurred. My first real boyfriend at the age of 21 was a priesthood holder. He attended church. He loved the lord. And he was a rapist. Upon confessing my terrible sin to the branch president, he advised I should…
When I was 4-8 years old I was molested by a neighbor kid. I remember being sick to my stomach, afraid to fall asleep at night for fear that I was going to hell. Right before I turned 8 I started getting really bad stomach aches and wouldn’t go to school. I was afraid of…
20-ish years ago, in the seventh grade, I had a history teacher. He was single, in his late 30s, and he was very interested in having kids come swim at his house, the ones who got good grades. He had several “hush-hush” parties of which he did not have permission from the school administration. Just…
I was lucky, like some others here were, that my bishops were never lascivious men asking too-personal questions. The self-hate and attempted self harm I blame firmly on my parents and on church doctrine. My mom and dad had “the talk” with me at probably ten years old. They gave me the mechanics of it,…
When I was 7 or 8 years old I was molested by an older neighborhood boy as well as a babysitter. As I grew up and learned at church concepts of sexual purity, I was devastated to find out that I had committed the sin next to murder. Also, I could not remember my exact…
As far as I can remember, I was attracted to other boys – at least since age 6 – but I had no idea it was sexuality, let alone homosexuality. I discovered the term at 11 or 12 when reading ‘The Miracle of Forgiveness’, written by the LDS prophet Spencer W. Kimball, a required reading…