When I was 17 I went to see my bishop after I felt my boyfriend and I had gone too far physically. He did ask me very specific details and also what I had done to encourage this and if I felt it was OK to exhibit that type of behavior around a son of God and a priesthood holder (implicating I alone pursued things and my boyfriend was an innocent participant). I of course already felt awful and was more than willing to repent. He continued with intrusive questions and at the very end said, “Congratulations you’ve taken down a future missionary.”
I will never forget that moment and how much shame and hatred I felt towards myself afterwords. 15 years later and I’ve never recovered from that. I’ve never felt worthy or that I was loved as a daughter of God. I’m still very active in the church but feel constant shame no matter how worthy I try to live. It’s so overwhelming I feel that leaving the church may be my only hope for happiness.