I joined the church at 19 (and left at 30).
When I was 18, so before I joined the church; I was sexually assaulted (anal rape) by a trusted male member of my family, he was my brother in law. This was very traumatic for me and now 13 years later (I’m now 31), I still feel very hurt by this.
At 22, I was living with different family members and they were not members of the church. I was subjected to ordinary views and mentalities (which unfortunately, I didn’t appreciate at the time, but upon reflection, they were just what I needed).
I returned to the church and felt so guilty and convinced that I needed to confess my “sins”. I was made to go into detail about what I had done with these guys. I do not remember whether I mentioned that I had been anally raped or not, but I feel as though it wouldn’t have made any difference. I was put on “probation” and began to undergo official church discipline.
A couple of weeks before I confessed I was given a calling as a young women’s advisor. When I was undergoing church discipline, the churcH leadership decided to keep me on in my calling because it was something that encouraged me to come to church and it was something I would come to enjoy.
A couple of months later we had stake presidency and ward leadership changes, and I had to deal with new leaders to continue the repentance process. The new bishop heard my story and threatened me with the loss of the calling if it happened again because “I was not a good influence on the Young Women”. It was then that I really began to regret having confessed and started feeling disillusioned with church leadership. I didn’t lose my calling but eventually moved back to my old ward.
A few years later when I was preparing to make Temple Endowments (which I had been pressured into making) I was called into the then bishops office for a worthiness interview and the bishop asked me probing questions about whether or not I masturbate.
I have since left the church because I don’t believe I should be sharing personal details of my sex life with anyone other than my husband.