I am sharing my husband’s story that he only recently dared share with me after 29 years of marriage. He finally decided to share it after learning about all of the other stories that have come out and finding he was not alone. When my husband was a teenager, he was asked several times in bishop’s interviews if he masterbated. He was ashamed to answer honestly and never admitted to it. The shame was so horrifying that he seriously considered castrating himself and researched how he could do this to himself. He lied about it to be able to serve a mission and went through his mission without “transgressing”. After his mission, he had one slip up. Years later, after we were married, he decided to confess to the one slip up. He was made to feel terrible about himself. It makes me sad to think of my husband being put through this and to think what may have happened if he would have went through with the self castration and how it would have affected him and our life together. We have 3 beautiful children that may have not been here. Is this really a pro-family doctrine, or a doctrine of shame and control?
As a teenager, my husband was also asked by a bishop if he was having sex with girls. When my husband replied “no”, he was then asked if he was having sex with boys.
I recently found out that when my daughter was 12 years old she was asked if she touched herself. She was unsure what the bishop meant, but felt gross and never wanted to go to another interview. Outside of a bishop’s office, can you think of any middle-aged man that you would want to have ask your daughter if she touched herself? Of course not! I wouldn’t even want her own father to ask her this. Then why do we let a random man do it in private?
Several years ago, my mother shared with me that her bishop had asked her if she was having oral sex with my dad and how embarrassing that was for her. My mom was easily embarrassed about discussing anything sexual and I can only imagine how uncomfortable this made her.
These shameful, inappropriate questions need to end! They have been very hurtful to people close to me.