I’m gay. I thought if I was the perfect Mormon boy, God would cure me of my gayness because obviously this is sinful. When I found out as a teenager that masturbation was a sin I wanted to die. I felt worthless and terrible. I knew I had to tell the bishop if I wanted to be forgiven. After telling the bishop he told me to fast for three days straight (which I did). That didn’t cure me and I continued to feel horrific shame, especially at not being able to bless or pass the sacrament. I then had to go see an LDS therapist to help me stop. I can’t believe this is even legal. That also didn’t help so I eventually stopped going. I originally only went to the bishop to tell him about my problem with masturbation but while in his office he asked me if I suffered from same sex attraction as well. I was horrified. To me this was even worse than anything I had ever done. So I lied and told him that wasn’t a problem. I feel like the fact that my bishop would bring that up with me reinforced the notion in my mind that being gay was wrong and sinful and eventually led me down the path of getting married to a woman. It was an awful marriage and I should never have been put in that position to begin with.
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