When I was 15 we had a sleepover at our Mia Maids leaders home. We were in the basement with her two teenage sons. I had a crush on her 19 year old son about to go on a mission. Everyone was asleep and I was up reading. He came out of his bedroom and asked if I wanted to talk. I went into his bedroom. He proceeded to kiss me and feel me up. I had never kissed a boy. I was in shock and wasn’t sure what to do. I quickly left. A few weeks later he asked me to meet him at a park late one night. I snuck out and met him. Inappropriate things happened that I was not ready for (things I STILL am ashamed of and cannot write). I immediately felt shame and guilt and went to my bishop. I told him what happened. He said he would like to see me the following Sunday. I went to his office and was met with the young man, his parents (to include my Mia Maid leader) and my bishop. I was 15 and without my parents. They proceeded to ask me what happened again. The young man denied it. His parents asked why I was lying. The bishop told me to go home and think about my story and come back if I still wanted to “stick” with it. I was humiliated and ashamed. I never went back. I sat in his mission farewell a month later. My parents never learned what happened. I lived in fear they would find out. I heard whisperings that other leaders had found out and didn’t believe me. I felt damaged and unforgiven after that. It led to many unhealthy relationships and forever affected my relationship with the church. As a 15 year old I truly believed the bishop had special knowledge, special access to God. If that was true he would have known I was telling the truth. I never trusted a bishop again, even ones I knew were the good guys. After almost ruining my life with several unhealthy relationships I met my non-member husband who is truly wonderful. He broke the cycle. I have been married for 20 years but I still hold that bishop in contempt. I still haven’t forgiven that young man. I am no longer active in the church. That single event was always in my mind and despite church activity for over 20 years after that, I simply went through the motions. My testimony and self-worth was destroyed that day in the bishops office at 15.
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