I was a 17 year old good girl. Dating at Ricks college with a football player with 16 roaming hands. After months of dating and fighting him off I finally allowed him to touch one boob outside of my clothes. I felt like I had to tell the bishop so we went to see the bishop who – happened to be the football coach. I was shamed horribly by him who looked at me with a very stern voice and told me that it was MY responsibility to control my boyfriends urges. That the woman was always in charge of such things. That if he did anything that would keep him from going on a mission that the many spirits that he would have baptized on his mission – but didn’t get a chance – would be squarely my responsibility to answer for in the next life – (eternally paying!). He did not chastise his football playing pet one bit. Put it all squarely on me. It was clearly unfair, abusive and degrading. I felt incredible shame – unworthy to continue with my scholarship and didn’t go back to school after that. My self esteem was seriously affected by this awful and shaming experience.
After a hurried marriage and divorce at the age of 24 I was being interviewed by the stake president in Alberta, Canada. He asked me terribly inappropriate questions about what positions I used when I was married and did we engage in oral sex in my previous marriage etc. It was creepy and awful to be asked these questions that had nothing to do with my current situation which was that I wished to get a recommend to get married in the temple and was totally worthy to do so.