At twenty, I was depressed and hadn’t taken the sacrament since moving out of my dad and stepmom’s house 2 years earlier. I was sexually abused by my stepdad when I was 9, mom found out he’d done it to another kid and started asking me questions. The police got involved, I had to testify in court, talk about it over and over in graphic detail. It was awful. He was sent to prison. So I was punishing myself. I was a licked cupcake with dad issues and just wanted a father figure. Mine had remarried and I had to watch him be a parent to a new family while pushing me to the side. I didn’t stop the abuse, that was why I didn’t get to be part of the family anymore? I guess after 2 years the bishop noticed I wasn’t taking the sacrament and he asked for a meeting. I told him the story. My age, going to court to testify, him going to jail, everything. He told me to read the Miracle of Forgiveness. I knew what was in it from friends talking about it. That I should have fought to the death. I knew that if I read that book at that state of my depression I would have ended my life. So I didn’t. I would have these crying moments where I felt peace at the thought of killing myself. Like it was going to be over soon. That’s how bad it was. I slowly stopped going to church and stopped hearing the message over and over that I had no virtue. It saved my life. To this day I will never understand why a bishop would ever tell a child sex abuse victim to read (and believe) that they should have fought to the death before allowing themselves to be abused. I will never forgive him for that. These people are not trained. They have no higher authority telling them what to say and the right way to say it. It needs to stop.