#118 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,4,6,7,8,10. Other: Normalizing trust in socially accepted authority, sexism (trusting that men know better), extreme inappropriate guilt for normal and healthy sexual and mental behavior.

Consequence Stories

For those of you who haven’t lived in Utah, let me preface this story by introducing you to some facts of reality of living there. Utah County, a cluster of cities about an hour south of Salt Lake City, is somewhat the extreme example of these facts. You can’t drive a quarter mile without seeing…

#117 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,7,8

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 8. Suicide Ideation, Consequence Stories

I remember being asked in every interview if I was keeping the law of chastity. I had always answered ‘yes’ until I was 18. Me and my boyfriend at the time had engaged in some “inappropriate” behaviors, and I knew I had sinned. During my next interview I was asked if I kept the law…

#116 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,4,6,7,8,9

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 4. Grooming, 6. Impaired sexual relations after marriage, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 8. Suicide Ideation, 9. Attempted Suicide, Consequence Stories

I have a lot of stories, but I would like to share the two most important ones. Shortly after turning 16, I had my first kiss. It was totally innocent but, as a good Mormon girl, I believed that it was the height of sexuality. Of course, I never experienced anything more than that, even…

#115 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,7

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, Consequence Stories

Beginning at the age of 12, I had annual interviews with my Mormon bishop. These were always one-on-one. The first time I was asked if I “Had any problems with masturbation,” I was 13. I had no idea what that word meant. These questions continued in annual or semi-annual interviews until I turned 18. The…

#114 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,6,7,9

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 6. Impaired sexual relations after marriage, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 9. Attempted Suicide, Consequence Stories

I was born and raised a Utah Mormon girl. I couldn’t have asked for better parents, or a better upbringing. I was always the easy child that never gave my parents any grief, and I always felt a strong inner commitment to never do anything to jeopardize that. I always hated bishop interviews because they…

#112 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,4,6,7,8

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 4. Grooming, 6. Impaired sexual relations after marriage, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, 8. Suicide Ideation, Consequence Stories

I grew up in the LDS Church, though I was not very active. I would meet often with the Bishop and have personal interviews with him, often about sexual matters. It tended to be the focus of each meeting whether or not I was masturbating and how I would be blessed if I stopped. This…

#111 Name Hidden. CS: 1,2,3,6. Other: Strain on parental relationships

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 2. Childhood self-loathing, 3. Adulthood self-loathing, 6. Impaired sexual relations after marriage, Consequence Stories

I remember when I was about to turn twelve. My friend’s dad was the bishop at the time. We grew up in downtown Salt Lake City, basically in Church headquarters. I had always been rebellious, but I liked going to church for the most part; I liked the people, and I felt the sense of…

#110 Name Hidden. CS: 1,6,7

1. Inappropriate shame and guilt, 6. Impaired sexual relations after marriage, 7. Years of recovery from childhood shaming, Consequence Stories

I pretty much lied about my masturbation habits. I felt pretty crappy about myself all growing up because not only was I “sexually impure”, but I was also a liar. This shame probably fueled my pornography use more than it curbed it. Then, as I was preparing for missionary service, I got a “deep, searching”…