I suffered domestic violence since the first year of my marriage til the very last day of my marriage. 8 years of terror, fear and hell. The day I told him I want the divorce he raped me. He hoped I would get pregnant and wouldn’t leave him. I was called in every Sunday for interviews with my bishop, who was the same age as me. He has asked me extremely uncomfortable questions, e.g. if I give oral sex, blow jobs, which position, anal sex, how often and how long. I didn’t answer any of these questions and asked what they are needed for. His answer would be, that he needs to understand the situation a bit better. Still I didn’t answer these questions. I was told by this bishop to stay married to this person as 8 years marriage are nothing compared to the eternity. And I am suppose to fight more and keep trying. I said clearly that I do not want to be married with this man anymore. I was 28 years old and knew that I don’t want this kind of life anymore. The bishop told me I would not get divorce if the husband doesn’t agree on it. By law you do get divorce after 2 years not living together anymore, even without signature of one side. But I have been told that I am only the wife and it’s up to the husband to decide.
My father stepped in, after he has seen me coming out crying after every interview. He was sitting every Sunday in front of the bishops office, waiting hours and hours for me. He told the bishop that no more interviews are required and the bishop told my father it wouldn’t be his call. Then my father said he would from now on join the interviews. I have never told my father what the interviews were about. But he felt something was clearly wrong. The bishop didn’t allowed my father to join the interviews. And I did as my father told me and simply didn’t go to any interviews anymore.
I moved city and had a new bishop. This bishop as well asked extremely uncomfortable questions. I told him that I don’t want to keep repeating my past and that he could call my old bishop and ask him for a report. He as well explained me that the agreement of the husband is required to file divorce. Also didn’t I go to any further interviews with this bishop.
Few month later I moved to an other country. Again new bishop, asked uncomfortable questions. At this point I stopped going to church. I was tired of regular Sunday interviews. Month later I contacted my bishop informing him that I still want the divorce. He called me in for an interview and told me that he need to contact my husband to get his agreement. This was the last time I was inside an LDS building.
Same week I sent an email to the bishop and stake president, informing that I want to leave the church and don’t want to be a member anymore. They told me that it takes a few months, since I can’t do it from one day to an other day. As they need to make sure that i really wish to leave the church and don’t act spontaneous. They asked me to come in for an other interview. I refused. They send sisters and elder to my home. I didn’t open the door. And I clearly informed the bishop not to send anyone to my home. Weekly I sent an email informing that I want to leave the church. But they didn’t answer anymore. I sent an email telling them if they do not answer that my lawyer will contact them. Next day I received an answer saying that they have sent the papers in and I would hear back in a few weeks.
Few weeks later I finally received the confirmation that I am no longer a member anymore.
Never ever will I have again such uncomfortable interviews!