I lost interest in the church when I was a freshman in high school and began hanging out with the wrong crowd. I ended up drinking and smoking marijuana with a boyfriend I began dating my sophomore year. I lost my virginity to him when I was 17 and shortly after I had my heart broken. I thought the only way to heal was to repent and begin living my life righteously the way my parents wanted me to.
I asked my bishop to meet because I wanted to repent for my sins. After explaining that I had lost my virginity and drank alcohol and smoked marijuana he began to ask more sexual questions. He would ask if I had had an orgasm before and if I had ever masturbated. I had, but was too embarrassed to tell him. Every meeting he would ask again, “Is there anything you’re not telling me? I have to know everything in order for the Lord to forgive you.” I began to feel uncomfortable and decided to stop doing the meetings because they were making me feel worthless. He even told me “fornication is the worst possible sin besides murder.” That made me feel great.
I stopped attending church all together because I didn’t want to deal with the shaming and the guilt. I was always taught that repentance is between me and The Lord. If that’s true then why should I have to tell an old man about all the “dirty” things I’ve done? I’m 22 now and still don’t go to church for that reason.