I was asked by my bishop, since age twelve, if I masturbated, looked at porn, or broke the law of chastity in any other manner. At twelve, I didn’t even know what masturbation was and I became very uncomfortable when the bishop explained the definition.
I lied to my bishop every yearly interview. These interviews were traumatizing because the questions made me uncomfortable, I was lying and expected the bishop to sense it, and the questions brought about self-hatred. I specifically remember shaking and having extreme anxiety before these interviews, even at age 16. I had suicide ideation that became overwhelming during ages 14 to 15.
I actually attempted suicide a few months after reading the strength of youth at age 15. A portion of the chastity section discussed how serious breaking the law of chastity was, second to murder. This was what threw my self confidence down a drain. I had never felt so ashamed but I still resisted telling my bishop of my sins.
I’ve now been exmormon for 3 years and am happier than I’ve ever been. For the most part, I’ve moved on. I don’t for a second blame my bishop for asking those questions. He is a product of his time and the religion he was born into. Although when reminded of the trauma and pain I experienced, I do become upset at the LDS church as an organization. They are responsible for the curriculum and the questions asked in bishop interviews that made the emotional scars I have hidden with time.