While in high school I struggled with sexuality. I kind of liked girls and occasionally acted on it. I went to my bishop for support thinking that’s what I was supposed to do. It wasn’t normal to like girls, so I forced myself into relationships with boys which led to threats against my life, molestation from boys, and even rape.
After speaking to my bishop I felt like I was doing the right thing by having a boyfriend no matter how I was treated. The very next Sunday I came to church and my best friend and I were being called dykes and other derogatory names. We were no longer allowed to accompany each other to the bathroom or even sit by each other in class without ridicule from peers.
I found out that after speaking to my bishop he went home and discussed the matter with his family. His son was exactly my age and his wife was my class leader person. My friend instantly stopped coming to church. I was alone facing the ridicule. I remained solely in male-female abusive relationships. I finally stopped going to church after my therapist convinced my mom to not force me. I hated the church after that. No way a church that houses those kinds of people is a true church of God and Christ. To this day, I keep my feelings inside. I still find myself in abusive relationships. I am divorced as a result of my insecurities.
I have tried multiple times to kill myself over them. I have learned to live and found reason to do so. But at 14 it was very difficult. The betrayal I felt with that bishop was strong. He would do temple interviews and ask questions about relations with both genders, I would always answer with what they wanted to hear and not the truth. I never understood those questions anyways. I didn’t know what half the terms they used meant and my parents wouldn’t explain it to me. I grew up confused, scared, and constantly wondering if living was worth it.