When I was fifteen and sixteen, I became involved with a man who was ten years my senior. He was sexually abusive and would be sexual with me despite my protests. This went on for two years. I became very insolated and dependent on him and felt helpless to end the abuse cycle. I talked to my bishop about the situation and he told me that I was’t taking enough responsibility for my part in this and that I needed to repent. I was told that if I really didn’t want it to happen then I would have broken up with this man. The fact that it was statutory rape did not come up at all, nor did he think my telling my boyfriend no repeatedly, pushing him away, and even threatening to scream at times, and sobbing uncontrollably afterward, was indication enough that I wanted it to stop. I desperately wanted help. I was constantly being manipulated by this man and was seeking support and a way out, but instead I was told I was unworthy and prohibited from taking the sacrament pretty much indefinitely until I finally broke up with him for good, which was more than a year after coming in for counsel. Feeling so unworthy while dealing with such an awful situation was extremely difficult. My deep fear that it was really all my fault and I didn’t deserve any better seemed completely validated and supported by my bishop, who I believed spoke for God. Therefore, my feelings of shame and low self esteem increased as well as my feelings of isolation and despair, making it even more difficult to get out of my situation. BTW my boyfriend/ abuser/ returned missionary loved the way my bishop normalized his behavior and placed blame on me. He encouraged me to keep talking to my bishop and “repenting,” and used it to back up his brain washing manipulations!
Share this article