I was born and raised a Utah Mormon girl. I couldn’t have asked for better parents, or a better upbringing. I was always the easy child that never gave my parents any grief, and I always felt a strong inner commitment to never do anything to jeopardize that.
I always hated bishop interviews because they made me SO uncomfortable. Even though I had nothing to confess, the interview made me question, and wonder if I was fully keeping the law of chastity and being righteous enough (I had a high school boyfriend, and we did “passionately kiss”, but nothing beyond that.) Luckily for me, all the bishops I had never asked any probing questions beyond the standard “Are you keeping the law of Chastity?” I could sense that the bishops were uncomfortable, just like I was.
As a very self- critical person, I would always think of things I could do to be better, and be an example, and I was absolutely petrified of being separated from my family in heaven. In my late teens and early 20’s I would rarely kiss guys, because I still felt that I was doing something wrong.
Fast forward a few years: I am now married in the temple. I have been married for 3+ years and I am just starting to feel comfortable having sex with my husband and enjoying it without feeling a weird sense of guilt.
I realize my story is very mild in comparison to a lot of others, but the mental torment the church has caused me, for multiple reasons, is something I think about everyday. I hope one day to leave the church with my husband and raise my kids in an environment that does not make them feel unnecessary guilt for being a normal, healthy human.