I pretty much lied about my masturbation habits. I felt pretty crappy about myself all growing up because not only was I “sexually impure”, but I was also a liar. This shame probably fueled my pornography use more than it curbed it.
Then, as I was preparing for missionary service, I got a “deep, searching” interview from the Bishop at the time. He was a wrestling coach and science teacher at my high school. I don’t think his line of questioning was abnormally detailed, but the effect was awful. What kind of pornography, how often, where, etc. Any lie-down hugs/kisses with girls? I already felt like I had made a huge mistake in confessing anything. I shut down and basically gave the least incriminating details I could muster until the bishop was satisfied. I wasn’t even technically a child at that point, but I felt like one. I felt shame and guilt. I resolved myself to never confess again. A secretive part of my heart was opened and I put on a rosy facade.
I consider myself lucky to have dodged searching interviews until I was older and to have otherwise have kept my sexual habits to myself. Although I no longer have faith in the church, I’m still struggling to overcome the effects of a pretty average or easy experience with worthiness interviews. Even after marriage, I’ve had trouble talking about sex. I think it has to do with that emerging adult’s resolution to keep sexual desire, especially details about it, a secret.