I grew up in an LDS home in Utah. Church every Sunday, parents fulfilling church callings, 2 brothers and 2 sisters. At 12 years old I went to the bishop for a temple recommend. I hated the closed doors and one-on-one “interview”. It was scary. He asked me the questions about tithing and chastity. Not that bad, I gave him the answers he wanted to hear, got my recommend signed and left. Went to the temple with the youth group, got baptized 177 times for Maria Garcia. When I got home I asked my dad who knew a lot about the church and proceedings. “Why was I baptized for the same person so many times? Are there that many dead Maria’s that wanted to get baptized?” He didn’t really have a compelling answer. This pattern continued for the next 2 years. I hated the interviews but my bishop was cool, he lived across the street, I knew his kids.
Two years later, we had a new bishop. I went for my interview for the 6-month valid temple recommend. I was asked if I masturbated. That was awkward and more uncomfortable that any previous interview. I lied. Didn’t feel “worthy” to go to the temple because I lied to my bishop about touching myself. I quit going for a temple interview. I had so many sins; touching myself and lying about it, honest tithing, un-pure thoughts. I didn’t want to go to the interview with my creepy bishop. Going to the temple wasn’t worth the interview process.