I am currently a member of the LDS church. Growing up I had many great leaders in the church that taught me a lot of good. I can’t imagine how difficult the calling of a bishop would be. I know there are a lot of sacrifices made in this calling. I do, however, feel very strongly about this particular topic.
About four months before my now husband and I were supposed to get married, we had been “heavily necking and petting,” as the church would call it. Growing up I was taught that if you had done this before marriage, you needed to go talk to your bishop about it so he could walk you through the repentance process. So, like I was taught, I went to my bishop; a man I barely knew, and who barely knew me. I told him what was going on, and the first thing he asked me was, “Have you orgasmed?” I paused for a moment, feeling uncomfortable and confused by the question but then responded, “Yes,” thinking that it would end there and I could leave. However, he proceeded to ask me, “How many times have you orgasmed?” Now feeling even more uncomfortable I responded, “I don’t know, 10 times?” He then told me that I shouldn’t take the sacrament and that he would pray about next steps and follow-up with me in a couple of weeks.
I left that meeting feeling even more confused about the situation. A couple of weeks and months went by and he never once followed-up with me (thank heavens!). I have never felt so uncomfortable and unsafe in my life than in that moment. I don’t know if this individual was/is struggling with something, or if he just doesn’t have the training or both! Regardless, this should not be happening. I confided in the Lord, repented and was happily married in the temple four months later.
There needs to be a change. It is not appropriate for children, teenagers, or adults to be in a room alone with an untrained “leader” talking with them about their sexual lives. I’m hoping my experience along with so many others can help make this change.